This was written on July 25, 2015. When I sat down to write this particular thought, I was trying to write outside of how I was feeling. I do that pretty often. I was reaching for the flowers in my heart only to keep bringing up mushrooms. And if you know me – you know how I feel about mushrooms!!!
I Choose to be Real
Sometimes when I don’t want my day to be clouded with the worries of my world and I TRY to choose to be in a good mood – I just have to tell myself – “Let’s be real! This is how I really feel!” . . .
And when I wake up with no anxiety, no fears and with a smile on my face and in my heart, and one of my kids – or all of them – bursts my bubble and makes me want to scream … I try to choose to be in a good mood and I have to tell myself “Let’s be real – My life sucks today!”
And I make an attempt to begin my day and tell myself that I can do this and be strong and not let anything make this day any different than I had planned!!
But I found it hard to smile in my heart until I told myself –
“Lets be real – This day is sucky and it is what it is!
Than I smiled. : )
It was a sucky day. But knowing it was – and not fighting it – made it ok.
This was written on 6/13/2016 during one of my personal writing assignments/homework outings given to me by my therapist Craig. YES! I have a therapist! He’s part of the family. Because of my social anxiety he would assign me to go to a coffee shop BY MYSELF and write. I haven’t done that in a while and thank God because it still bothers me to do so. And I know I’m not alone. Don’t tell him though (like you even could) because you will in the near future see me at a coffee shop with my writing journal – alone. But once I’m there – I’m okay. And if you’re there – I just might be writing about you!
Standing in the Midst of Greatness
I may be small – compared to who You are. But you make me feel great.
My thoughts are meaningless compared to Your thoughts. But You tell me they mean so much to You.
I am not worthy to stand in Your presence. But You tell me to “Come unto Me”.
Before You I stand in the Midst of Greatness. And I am continuously reassured by You through the Holy Spirit that You love me – accept me – and take me today – tomorrow – and forever –
Just as I am.
GET IN THE CAR
Thinking of my wonderful relationship I now have with my 22 year old daughter and how she has grown to be a beautiful and wonderful young woman I remember one of the instances when I thought my relationship with her was doomed. . . . You did see that I said one of the instances!!
When my daughter was at the peak of her teenage years we got into this huge argument! I don’t remember what we were mad about but the thought “she better be glad I’m a Christian” went through my mind and I held to that at that moment to just keep my sanity.
It was really late, maybe close to midnight when she decided that she was leaving! Not knowing where she wanted to go (nowhere I presume) she stormed out of the house into the dark, cold quietness of what was to me – scariness and a mom’s worst nightmare.
I was angry and hurt. She was angry and hurt. But it did not stop me from jumping in my car looking for her. My heart leaped with joy when I saw her walking down the lonely dark road. I was so thankful she was ok.
She didn’t want to get in the car. She didn’t want to return to what made her leave in the first place. I had to convince her to Get In The Car and to return to what she was running from. She was running from love. To her my love was disguised as her enemy. She was afraid and felt alone and felt that no one cared. I’m not sure if I even understood that at that time.
By the grace of God she got back in the car. My anger was gone but the pain was still there. I don’t know about my daughter. I don’t know if her anger and hurt was still there with additional unwanted emotions. But I was ok with that. She was safe and I was taking her back home.
I don’t remember what followed after that. All I know is that she knew I loved her and wanted her and I know that even if she cried herself to sleep that night – she knew I cared enough to go after her even when she knew how mad I was.
Karen L. Evans
This writing was actually a homework assignment for my college english class about 1988. My sister Kathy and I were roommates for about five years. It was a great moment in time. I love you Kat!
Ok. Here we go . . .
Although we were born together on the same day, there are many differences between my sister Kathy and I.
Kathy’s normal birth head first was eight minutes before me as I was born a more difficult birth with my feet first.
Kathy looks more like our father and holds some of his mother’s features as I take on those of our mother.
As that may be, Kathy’s personality, which is pretty mellow and friendly, is tailored to that of our mother’s. On the other hand, my personality, outgoing, adventurous and somewhat crazy tends to be more like our father’s.
After high school Kathy went on to further her education and enrolled in college but I had to be outgoing, adventurous and most definitely crazy when I decided to join the military – the Navy.
When it comes to home making, Kathy takes the cake. She likes to cook and she takes the time to make herself a meal to save money. I find it easier and just as healthy to go through a gourmet drive through and save time.
Finally, as Kathy and I are indeed different, it is the difference that has borne such a binding friendship and love.
– – Fast forward to today, I enjoy and am very good at cooking home cooked meals with fresh ingredients!
In the dark the only thing I wait for is the light.
I wait in anticipation of something good.
My heart smiles first because somehow it knows it no longer needs to be afraid.
So I Follow My Heart.
The darkness isn’t so dark any more.
The darkness isn’t any darker than yesterday. It’s not any lighter either.
But the shimmer of light coming from my heart tells me that I can still be in the light – where I am in the dark.
So I am choosing to Follow My Heart.
I don’t ponder why the dark brought dread to my heart. It really doesn’t matter any more.
Knowing that dread and fear no longer has has the right to reside in my heart allows me to breath with confidence.
Whats in my heart that has given me comfort, confidence and joy and peace that surpasses all understanding?
Jesus – of course!
© 2015 – May 16, 2015